Monday, June 20, 2005

Shopping for Maternity Clothes

That little band of elastic is expensive.

We went shopping for a couple outfits today at Thyme Maternity at the Galleria Mall and the racks always looked like such fun. Discounts galore. Every rack had pricing $9.99 or $19.99 etc. Now admittedly I am probably the typical male shopper but the whole 'and up' phrase never really meant very much to me until today. I didn't realize that 'and up' could mean by multiples of the original price. After settling on a pair of pants and a nice new top (at least 6 times the pre-'and up' price) I realized that I played it right. After sacrificing her uterus to our joint creation the last thing you should mention is the price tag on the new clothes needed to cover said pregnancy. I can't even imagine the 'and up' cost of a new, never before used uterus. And this particular uterus comes with all the extras. For example, the uterus I've decided to impregnate comes with dual matching Fallopian tubes, the state of the art cervix safety system and a 9 month extended warranty. This model is priceless. It is like shopping for a Lamborghini. If you have to ask the price, you can't afford it.

We then took a stroll to the library to look up some baby names. For the record, any names under serious consideration will not be mentioned here. I have a couple that I am quite fond of and I found a couple, well, not so much. Cornelius, for example, does a fine job as a name in Harry Potter but as soon as you leave the grounds at Hogwarts you may find it a difficult name to have. Chichi (for a male) is just funny. And nobody in there right mind would name their child Engelbert. Then again, there is a Dweezle Zappa.

My beautiful wife needs some milk and fruit so I shall be off to feed her.

Good night

P.S. I have dubbed the fetus, Cletus. Until a more appropriate name has been decided, and the sex has been determined, I may be inclined to just refer to the Fetus as Cletus.



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